book blogger · Mental Health Monday

Mental Health Monday #6

24650679_1725264170831276_683268915_oMental Health Monday was set up by my lovely friend Rebecca over at Bexcapades who you need to go follow now pretty please.

The idea came from Rebecca revisiting her depression diary from 2015 and deciding to share her experiences to show that light comes out of dark times.

So now, every first Monday of each month will be a Mental Health Monday where everyone can share their own experiences and a handful will be featured on Rebecca’s post each month.

If you want your post featured in Rebecca’s post, then make sure you share it with her on Twitter and mention her in the post, linking back to her blog.

I have always been a chronic worrier since I was little. I used to cry if we ever got lost in the car because it was the end of the World and I would desperately look for signs of places I’d recognise. It was that stress and worry of ‘oh no, we’ll never get home. Help we’re lost’. I would also worry about things like school, which everyone does but this was extreme. At one point, my mum thought I was being bullied because I never wanted to go because of worry and upset and stress. I even nearly didn’t go to college because of it. Lucky enough, my mum talked me around and put my mind at ease but I just felt pressure, pressure, pressure. It’s the end of the World if you don’t go to college, the end of the World if you don’t get the grades, you’ll end up homeless and never get a job. I felt like I was always being pushed into doing things I didn’t want to do simply to get a piece of paper that says WELL DONE YOU ARE QUALIFIED.

Most of my worry in High School came from other people, not intentionally, but I think the nature of schools kind of lends itself to worry. For example, targets and the pressure to reach them or exceed them. Also, I’m just being honest but I was pretty able in the majority of my subjects, however, I had friends who were amazing and had targets above my own. I suppose I became a bit jealous but at the same time my parents have always encouraged me to do my best and as long as I do that, they’re happy. So I was jealous of the better targets they had but also worried that I was the ‘thick’ one of the group. Towards the end of high school, I’d had enough. I literally could not deal with the worry, pressure and patronising friends anymore. I fell out with one of my friends over grades, spending time together and to be honest, her rude and patronising behaviour.

I know you are probably waiting for the make-it-up ending here, but it doesn’t apply. That idea about getting rid of negative people in your life to make yourself happier is so true. That’s what I did and although I non-stop worried about that decision for months, even years later, it really did benefit me to rid myself of that negativity. I went to a different college, not only because of my friend but my subjects and a new start in a new atmosphere. Worry followed me, but I felt like I could breathe for a little while!

Again a very special thank you to my friend Rebecca for setting up this meme and giving people the courage to speak up about mental health. Feel free to comment if you share any similar anxieties, this meme is all about talking and promoting awareness of mental health.

Agony Aunt Mel

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