book blogger · Mental Health Monday

Mental Health Monday #3

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Mental Health Monday was set up by my lovely friend Rebecca over at Bexcapades who you need to go follow now pretty please.

The idea came from Rebecca revisiting her depression diary from 2015 and deciding to share her experiences to show that light comes out of dark times.

So now, every first Monday of each month will be a Mental Health Monday where everyone can share their own experiences and a handful will be featured on Rebecca’s post each month.

If you want your post featured in Rebecca’s post, then make sure you share it with her on Twitter and mention her in the post, linking back to her blog.

Today, I am writing about anxiety again…

Every Sunday night I have this lead weight inside my chest caused by anxiety. It can bring me to tears sometimes and my Fiance will just hold me and tell me it’s okay, he’ll talk to me and help me see things rationally. I don’t know what I’d do if he wasn’t there to make it better. He understands and knows just how to bring me out of that downward spiral.

The lead weight I spoke about is basically a horrible feeling that something bad is going to happen along with the stresses of work the next day. Now, I always say I don’t feel stressed but my body tells me that I am and I’m like NO I AM NOT, in denial. My eczema flares up because of a certain paper I have to work with, the migraines I get can sometimes push me to wear sunglasses at home of a night and the amount of cold sores I get is ungodly. I’m not trying to make it out like I have it bad, I know I don’t and I’m lucky to actually have a job. However, anxiety doesn’t let me see this rational thought process and it just makes me see the bad things about work.

That’s why my new year mantra is positivity because the weight in my chest pulls me down into negativity and I cannot seem to get rid of it. I’m trying hard and have only slipped twice this year so far into that desperate, clingy, golem-like creature that cries about going to work the next day or cries at the slightest change in my normal workday.

The bad feeling I get can feel like a monster crawling up my throat, sitting on my chest telling me that something bad is about to happen, I’m not good enough, work is terrible, you are a failure, you are wrong, you are, you are, you are…

Again a very special thank you to my friend Rebecca for setting up this meme and giving people the courage to speak up about mental health. Feel free to comment if you share any similar anxieties, this meme is all about talking and promoting awareness of mental health.

Agony Aunt Mel

 

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