Happy Monday everyone! Today brings a brand new meme around called Mental Health Monday which was set up by my lovely friend Rebecca over at Bexcapades.
The idea came from Rebecca revisiting her depression diary from 2015 and deciding to share her experiences to show that light comes out of dark times.
So now, every first Monday of each month will be a Mental Health Monday where everyone can share their own experiences and a handful will be featured on Rebecca’s post each month.
If you want your post featured in Rebecca’s post, then make sure you share it with her on Twitter and mention her in the post, linking back to her blog.
Without further ado, here is one of my experiences with depression…
I feel like the word depression is ‘wrong’ and ‘scary’. I feel like a con-artist, taking away the limelight from those who need help, being dramatic, being silly, need to get a grip. I feel like I’m flying high for months at a time and then all of a sudden I’m plunging for open water, my fear coming closer and closer that I will drown. Who knew you could feel so much when you only feel like saying I’m ‘down’?
I have not been diagnosed with anything or been to see a doctor at all in fear of what they will say. But I know deep down when I am not my ‘normal’, happy-go-lucky, sarcastic self. I feel like a monster grips my mind and says no, you hate this, you hate that, feeding me pessimistic thoughts left, right and centre. I know it will pass, but it’s hard to breathe when I feel like I’m drowning, when I feel like crying all day and can’t pick myself up. Even when the people I love try to pick me up and save me from myself and all I can say is ‘I’m fine’. I feel like a fraud, I feel like I am kidding myself, I feel like…I don’t know what to feel.
I know that there is light at the end of the tunnel and I am incredibly lucky and have a network of people around me, which a lot of people don’t. Sometimes, I just don’t see them and their worth, sometimes I just let the World get on top of me and crush me. Sometimes, I need someone to lift that weight and say ‘It’s okay to feel that way, it’s okay to drown, it’s okay not to be okay’. I’m not sure what to do and how to feel but I know I’ll get through, because we all will and we all do, on a day-to-day basis.
Live to learn, learn to live, fly high, fly low, you CAN do this.
Thank you so much for reading this post while I sit in the corner and shield myself from the World. This is incredibly scary to share but I want to encourage everyone to share their own experiences with mental health. A very special thank you to my friend Rebecca for setting up this meme and giving me the courage to actually talk about this…even if I am terrified of posting this.
*RUNS AWAY FROM THE LAPTOP AND SCREAMS*